Yesterday I had a really bad day..A so called friend that I hadn't seen in 3 years I visited...
she pretty much said she didn't believe me
and hurt me down inside... '
she said this was her story.. ''
I said it was hundreds of thousands of people stories .'
but she was referring to my stories of abuse the ones that I talk about ..
she said one of my alters name is Sam and thet I stole that from her...
I did not name Sam she told me herself...
but she doesn't know about the hospital bed my grandfather died in....
it was the same one that my uncle used cord....
to tie my legs to the high bar on that bed,,,
Just writing this is make me illl...
but the worst part of this is that she doesn't believe ne ..
yet when the time came I never had a reason to not believe her.....
I'm hurt because that means through out 11 years friendship..
we were never friends ...
she used to call me fake and borderline..
well she was right there,
the only one that she ever saw was Bongo ..
she is all about me ..
she has borderline personality disorder...
but It's sad she never got to meet the parts of me...
that have compassion and understanding..
it's sad we couldn't become allies in any way..
and I am damn glad that though she was once a practicing clinical counselor ....
that her license was taken away due to boundary issues with clients ..
I didn't undertand that ...
but I do now and I am grateful...
all this said I need to move past this..
since I am hurting over the disbelief,,,,
I need to find a way not to hurt about this person again...
and to find a way to pray for her and to pray I can forgive her...
not an easy task,,,,
So for you dear T ...
I say goodbye,,.. I wish you nothing but good things in your life...
Goodbye !!!!!
TOGETHER I LOVE YOU
SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE
Bonnie, our minds are very unique creatures. When we don't truly understand, or comprehend, something or someone, we can so easily close it out...as if it never happened, or we never saw it. Now, keeping this in mind, which I'm sure most people will agree with me here on what I am saying, this is a 'conscious' effort on our part to do so.
ReplyDeleteFor a person who lives with DID, they do this as well, although at a 'subconscious' level, thus forming alters. Most people with DID aren't even aware this is occurring. In most situations, the alters form to protect the true identity of the person.
Wow! Our minds are so much more powerful than we ever give them credit for! In your friend's case, regardless whether or not she was a therapist, she has 'consciously' chosen not to believe you. Chicky, everyone you meet has that right. Not everyone will understand, empathize, or relate to your situation. And that is okay. Unfortunately for you, she was a friend, or you thought of her as such. With your abandonment issues, this will be very difficult for you. At some point, you will find a way to let go. It disturbs me that she was accusing and it seems as though she took pleasure in seeing you hurt. It sounds as though she has her own issues at hand that need to be dealt with.
So, I say to you Chicky...you have a full plate, no room left for a spoon so let what she said go, knowing that she was using her words as a knife to slice right through you. Stay focused on yourself and your children, and the true friends in your life. Know in your heart that the struggles you are going through now [which I know are extremely difficult] will someday pay off for you, and inevitably, you children. Remember, you have too many people who love you to worry about one who doesn't ♥♥♥
Mary said it all, Bonnie, and she's so right - you have so many people who love you - focus on them, not the one who chooses to not believe you or believe in you. And, actually, my dear, in your closing sentences, I think you are well on your way to forgiving and forgetting.
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you!
You have always said your story is not unique. For someone to say your story is theirs is them not believing such a thing could happen to more than one person. We would all like to believe that, but in that is the wish that no one could do such a thing to anyone else. She has yet to take that step and still wears her rose-colored glasses. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that comes to mind is.... it's about time. She is so unethical it's unbelievable. And she tried to make me feel like an idiot for questioning her boundary issues. She is one dangerous woman and the personification of borderline personality disorder. I wonder how many people she has crossed that line with? I am so glad to hear you say good bye to her, consider the source when she speaks at all! Is she still teaching others how to do what she does?
ReplyDeleteWell, I had typed a long comment and it disappeared when I clicked on publish. Oy.
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel Bonnie...and I agree with Mary that it could be that some people don't understand or do not wish to understand because their minds are closed...
ReplyDeleteI am journeying with you towards this road to forgiveness... lots of love to you always!
Mary has said it all, I love you bonnie. <3<3<3
ReplyDelete