I find myself again in a place ...
that I want to shut down..
close my eyes sleep away the day ..
make it all go away...
I find myself communicating less and less ..
with anyone ..
I want to hide it..
make it not real..
live in fantasy land..
I want things to change ...
yet the work..
the process scares the hell outta me..
I don't want to remember...
see, touch, smell...
after all that's why I split off to begin with..
to lock it all away..
Why now would I want to open a wound ..
pour salt and watch as I physically and emotionally crumble?
I can't write what I feel ...
or I risk scaring those close to me..
Just waking everyday is exhausting..
even sleeping is exhausting.
I use so much energy hiding ..
yet too afraid to remove the mask ..
I had a dream that P was on the other side of the lake....
I couldn't get to her...
I was horrified...
but why did I dream that to begin with..
what did I need from her?
I found a song that moved my soul...
Have a listen :
TOGETHER.... I LOVE YOU FOREVER
SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE