Tuesday, March 4, 2014

TOUCH ME PLEASE

Do you ever find yourself staring at a blank page ...
with so much to say yet the fear stops you..
I have done so much especially in therapy...
yet I have not written a thing

we have used regression which definitely helps yet the residua effects are horrible...
i've been through a phase of flooding ..
 which means you are having flashbacks and feeling it in your body...
 as if it is happening now
not a fun thing..
 thank God for P..


because with drugs and her help with her caring spirit I was able to calm it down..
I'm still goin through periods of anxiety that I yet understand...
and a depression that won't quit...

I have been considering closing down this blog for multiple reasons ...
yet I have not been able to do it...

I also run a rather popular blog group that I have been unable to make a decision about,,

just this week i did something I had never done before..
 I blocked someone on facebook..

it is a horrible feeling and the guilt is making me sick..
 thank God again I have P to keep me on track..
JUJU

I hate this disease called DID and I hate abuse of me and others..

I don't know what to do as of now..
 today i slept through an appt with P which is unusual..

but I think I really needed a deep sleep with no nightmares or anxiety...

i'm finding it really hard to talk about what I see in regression..

I'm having a really hard time sharing anything...
and i think it's making me sick...

i don't know what the hell i want to say here...
I find myself (Bongo) really binging ...
and (juju) starving..
I find sam hiding and quiet..
I also find there are a few missing..

I would really like to sleep forever..
SORRY P

TOGETHER I LOVE YOU FOREVER


SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE

4 comments:

  1. I have so missed seeing you here, Bonnie. My heart hurts for all the pain and situations you are enduring right now. Know how much you are treasured and loved by me and so many others, dear one! Much love to you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have nominated you for the The Brave Heart Award. If you would like to accept it, please go to http://turkeyboneheaven.com/2014/03/22/brave-heart-award-announcement/ for details about the award.

    Stand Strong You Are Not Alone

    I call you a survivor, because that is what you are.
    There are days when you don’t feel like a survivor and there are days when the memories trigger your past and it feels like you are loosing the fight – but you are not. Take the past and heal with it. You are strong.

    I want you to know that the abuse was not your fault. It does not matter what age it happened. You did not deserve it, you did not cause it, and you did not bring it on yourself. You own no shame, guilt, or remorse.

    In your life, you have faced many demons but look around you and you will see there is hope, and there is beauty. You are beautiful, You are loved, there is hope.

    You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. You deserve peace and joy in your life. Don’t settle for anything less than that. God has plans for you. Your future does not have to be dictated by your past.

    Each step you take you are not alone.
    Stand Strong.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have nominated you for the The Brave Heart Award. If you would like to accept it, please go to http://turkeyboneheaven.com/2014/03/22/brave-heart-award-announcement/ for details about the award.

    Stand Strong You Are Not Alone

    I call you a survivor, because that is what you are.
    There are days when you don’t feel like a survivor and there are days when the memories trigger your past and it feels like you are loosing the fight – but you are not. Take the past and heal with it. You are strong.

    I want you to know that the abuse was not your fault. It does not matter what age it happened. You did not deserve it, you did not cause it, and you did not bring it on yourself. You own no shame, guilt, or remorse.

    In your life, you have faced many demons but look around you and you will see there is hope, and there is beauty. You are beautiful, You are loved, there is hope.

    You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. You deserve peace and joy in your life. Don’t settle for anything less than that. God has plans for you. Your future does not have to be dictated by your past.

    Each step you take you are not alone.
    Stand Strong.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Always on my mind and in my heart. You have helped so many, I hope you never shut this site down. If you have to take time away and not write, that's understandable. I know how hard it can be to try to do it all.

    ReplyDelete

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